VOLUME 1 ISSUE 1                          UP DATED  January 15, 2005                                Weather: Mostly all day

Front Page

Gender of Missing Mascot is Questioned

Some things we shouldn’t ask questions about. Like how much money Billy Graham makes, how do you spell Vicktor Yaschenko, and what is Bob Dole’s real age.

Some questions you don’t want to know the answer to. Like what Starr Jones would look like in a thong bikini, who is going to help Dr. Kevorkian when his time comes, and what is Bob Dole’s real age.

But there is one question that has gone unasked long enough and begs to be answered. We are referring of course to the sexual identity of Rex, Queens University’s beloved mascot. We believe the conspiracy of silence on this issue must be broken.

What exactly is the Administration trying to hide? For years now things like tuition hikes, cafeteria food, parking, and Core have been used to divert attention from this the single most important issue facing students at the beginning of the Spring Semester.

Is Rex a boy or a girl? The students need to know. More important, Rex needs to know. Should he lounge about in the sun after a hearty meal of raw gazelle; or should she be out on the savanna chasing down antelope?              

When walking across the back campus, how should Rex respond to the Clock Tower? With envy or desire?

Come to think about it, we like Rex just the way s/he is and have been inspired to write a poem about herm:

                                               There once was a mascot named Rex;
                                                A lion of dubious sex.
                                                When asked to reply
                                                Are you girl cat or guy,
                                                Poor Rex was terminally purr-plexed.