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Nature Strikes a Boycott
Claire Lowrance
| CHARLOTTE, NC -- Due to the recent natural disaster in
Indonesia, students at Queens University are boycotting nature and any
natural products found on or off campus. "Since nature is hitting too hard, we are going to hit back," announced freshman Kathryn Brown, "we are no longer in support of it if it wont support us!" Brown started a campus-wide crusade to get rid of all natural hair colors and styles. She showed her passion for the cause by dying her natural blond locks to the most unnatural color of them all, hot pink. Other supportive students have followed her lead by taking on hair colors that won't genetically occur in their line, in order to keep the "Unnatural Protest" pure. Witnesses have reported an unusual number of "carrot-tops," sporting their new unnatural color of orange. Some have even resorted to pouring yellow dye only on the tops of their heads, showing that nature has no control over their highlights. Orange, on the whole, has been the color of choice as once light skinned students pile into tanning salons and drug stores to purchase the latest bottle of self-tanner. "Nature is out to get us," says Brown, "Why do you think that tsunami thing happened, or why are people dying from skin cancer? There is nothing humanity can do to stop nature, sun screen and warning systems are just more items we put money into that do nothing but support companies, they don't stop nature. This boycott is all about fighting back! Everyone needs to show nature you are not it's friend! From now on don't let your natural hair, skin or even eye color be seen. Fake nails are a must and so is using only the to go cups in the cafeteria. Don't use anything you can use again. If nature is going to trash us we are going to trash it back!" The "Natural" boycott has begun. Brown is asking students to avoid all recycling bins, and "reusable products." It is also essential that students not show their natural traits. "We have to show nature whose boss!" |
Frosh Kathryn Brown hypes boycott
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