President Bush spoke to several prime ministers, members of NATO, and chairmen of the European Union. This so-called "charm offensive" was received with mixed responses of the respected country leaders.

Whereas French President Jacques Chirac called it a "positive step in diplomacy between conflicting ideals," there was one prominent official who Bush could not come to terms with, three-year-old Princess Aiko of Japan.

The President heard the news of proposals to make the toddler the official heiress to Crown Prince Naruhito (of the Chrysanthemum Throne) while in session with NATO last Tuesday.

He left in the middle of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s speech on diplomacy with Iran and immediately scheduled what he called "a highly critical play date" with the Princess for the last leg of his trip.

"He didn’t need my help right now," President Bush told a few reporters as he snuck out the back in a green parka he borrowed from Vice President Cheney. "Besides, we knew decades ago that they had weapons of mass destruction. The Red Scare is over."

Upon arrival in Japan early Wednesday afternoon, Bush and his entourage were made to wait while Princess Aiko finished her cartoons and had her snack. President Bush, stating his sudden insatiable hunger for Tin Tin Choco cookies and that he wouldn’t mind watching Pokemon as well, attempted to join Aiko, but her guards would not allow it.

Finally able to sit down one on one with the Princess, Bush was looking forward to a tea party when the Princess giggled and pulled out a copy of My Pet Goat. The President, shoveling mini frosted pretzels into his mouth, looked up and choked.

After having the Heimlich maneuver performed on him by one of his Secret Service agents, Bush tried to change topics, but observed Aiko coloring over one of his Social Security proposals.

The president reached for one of the crayons himself, but the princess pulled the box to her chest and shook her head "no," obviously not wanting to share. Infuriated, Bush stood up and called Aiko "a doody-face," then stomped off crying and whining to Condoleeza Rice about how the princess was a "meany."

Stepping off Air Force One to a swarm of media back in Washington this week, the President made a few announcements concerning his trip. Drilled with questions about his plans for Iran, the president responded: "The idea of starting a conflict with Iran is just…preposterous. What we need to be worried about is Japan. They’re all meanies."

Completely thrown off guard, reporters inquired into why the President made this statement, but he only dropped his head and began to weep, saying he would address this serious issue more after he had some rest at home.

Elsewhere, Salem College (Winston-Salem) offered a course of study in country singer Martina McBride this past semester. In response to this, Dr. Richard Goode, a professor at Queens University of Charlotte, North Carolina, has announced that he will begin a course focused on the "motivations" behind the music of Pink Floyd, The Doors, and Jimi Hendrix.