A State department spokesman explained, "He didn't mean all un-democratic countries, just those sitting on top of vast oil reserves who can pay U.S. companies for the reconstruction after we pummel them into freedom. Enemies of Christianity are also high on the list."

"It will be like the old days," said Paul Wolfowitz, Under Secretary of Defense and architect of much of what is going on in Iraq today.  "Back then we propped up right wing dictatorships against rebel insurgents and 'freedom fighters' to block the spread of communism.  Now it'll be the other way round."  In his speech Bush stated that it is U.S. policy now to support freedom fighting insurgent groups against established regimes. "When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you," he said.

When asked if this includes the insurgents in Iraq, Wolfowitz became befuddled, fell silent, and his eyes glazed over.

Leaders in un-democratic countries around the world, including current U.S. allies,  have expressed concern and dismay over the new policy. Even the Defense Department is doubtful it can supply troops to support such an ambitious undertaking as world-wide democratization after the Iraq model.

In a related story, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has announced that he is calling up the last two remaining national Guard units and Troop 100 of the Boy Scouts.  "They need to get a taste of the action," said the ebullient Defense Secretary.  "At least we know there won't be any homos among them."

In yet another story, presidential daughter Jenna Bush was seen behind the President during his address, giving the universal sign for the deaf which means "bullshit" (see photo).  A White House spokesman denied it was a critique of the speech in any way.  "She was just calling for a couple of beers," he added.