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VOLUME 1 ISSUE 1                           UP DATED  January 15, 2005               Weather: Mostly all day                                                                                                                 
Front Page                                                   

Simpson To Go Speechless

Hollywood, CA - The world of vapid celebrity was shocked last week when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston called it quits. Taking a break from his Tsunami relief efforts with Bush I, former President Bill Clinton, after asking what "it" referred to, expressed dismay.  "What could it possibly have been?  I mean look at me and Hillary.  We're still together.  And Jennifer is a lot hotter than Hillary."  Former President Bush pointed out to his new pal that "neither Brad or Jennifer is running for public office."

Ms Anniston offered an explanation. "There's just not enough attention to go around," she said.  "Look at Ben and J Lo.  They were a power couple, and that seemed to be the way to go at the time.  But it doesn't work.  I mean we're sucking up each other's red carpet time."

Ms Anniston went on to explain that by going their separate ways they'll each get more attention, paparazzi-wise. When asked for a comment, Mr. Pitt said, "Wait a minute.  This is supposed to be a story about Ashlee Simpson.  What're you guys doing?"

Our bad.  It seems our editor called up the wrong story as we went to print.  So we'll just do a little hoe-down here.

 It's a good thing we can't hear the booing.

 

 

  

 

        
                  Brad & Jennifer
                  in Happier Times